I spent the weekend at Middleton Place. I arrived after work on Saturday and spent 24 hours in absolute relaxation. No work, no laptop, no obligations. I had every intention of doing a heap of work and personal development when my husband surprised me with a night alone, but as soon as I arrived I knew that wasn’t what I needed. I needed to recharge.
Mothering a toddler is hard work! A house full of dogs who shed, teenagers coming and going, the husband and I passing our daughter off like ships in the night…it’s chaotic to say the least. And while I would like things to move a little slower and to have a little more sleep, I wouldn’t change a thing. But the occasional break is desperately needed. So that’s what I did.
My husband and I came up with this genius plan (well, is it genius?) to take a night alone once a month. To do whatever we want individually. One of us gets a hotel, the other gets the house while one of our family member’s watches our daughter.
We are fortunate enough to have family very close to us, and they love spending time with Bailey Rose. And we cherish the relationships they have with her.
We believe space is important for us. Not everyone relationship is the same, but for us our alone time, separate alone time, is very important to us. We believe this arrangement will make us stronger together and allow for that recharge we both need.
Now, this isn’t a hall pass (lol). There is nothing impure about this. It’s just time for each of us to do whatever we want to do separate from the other and free of kids.
This weekend I visited Middleton Place, which is only 40 minutes from our house. Upon arrival, I was in love. The grounds are gorgeous, immaculate. I received a complimentary glass of wine from the bar right by my room and I strolled the grounds and gardens alone for over an hour. I let The Patriot and The Notebook soundtracks narrate my way through the gardens and I cannot tell you the peace and reflection I found. I was finally able to take a deep breath and relax.
I think that we, as mothers, tend to not allow for that deep, cleansing breath. We’re constantly running after, looking after, checking on, cleaning up after our little ones. It’s very hard to unplug and stop worrying. That’s one of the reasons I ended up going to therapy (which has helped immensely, despite the price tag. I’ll talk more about that later). I have to be honest, being alone last night was better than therapy. I didn’t need to talk out my feelings, I didn’t want to. I just wanted to find a little piece of myself I gave up when I had my daughter.
Maybe this all sounds selfish. I can understand where one would think that. But is self-care and focusing on your mental health selfish? I don’t believe so. I believe we need these moments to ourselves. I believe it makes us better mothers, wives, friends, employees. When you have that time to spend on yourself, you’re not doing it when it’s not appropriate. How can I be a good wife to my husband when I’m exhausted, beat down from a hard week at work and with my girl, too focused on work and growing my business? What good am I to him? I’m no good.
But I believe both the husband and wife need this time. It can’t be one-sided. One does not need it more than the other. BOTH need peace and space. Especially if you don’t enjoy ALL of the same things. And I’m pretty sure in every relationship, someone enjoys something the other doesn’t. If you think my husband is super psyched to go to the stable, you’d be wrong. haha! And if you think I want to go to the movies every single week, you would also be wrong. See? We like different things! And that’s okay!
I spent my time strolling with a glass of wine and taking hundreds of pictures. I reflected on what this year has been so far, and how I want to close out my 31st year. I ate crackers and cheese and watched Frozen until I fell asleep. Exciting right? I had a blast!
I had coffee in bed until 10am, watching HGTV and occasionally scrolling Pinterest. Then I checked out and met my mother and my daughter and we checked out the whole plantation. We spent the afternoon walking around and letting my baby girl run, meeting sheep, draft horses, a cow and even pigs and water buffalo. It was perfect, just the way I would have wanted to end my wonderful weekend ‘away’.
And now I’m home, watching a Hallmark Channel movie and ending my Sunday with my husband. Home sweet home ❤︎
What do you think? Would this arrangement work for you?